Where did I go wrong?

The answer to this question could take years of figuring out, so I suppose I shall just have to be content with - at least I know so now I can move on. The thing is, if I don't find out where and when it happened, I might well make the same mistake again because I am prone to doing things like that. Still. I suppose with faith we walk and I should have faith I won't do it again...

A week or so ago (I'm losing track of time - it might have been more than that actually), I met up with Derek to "chat". I use the inverted commas because well, sometimes chatting to Derek feels more like a grilling than a nice casual, you know, chat. I know that something had changed in my life, and I just naturally supposed that the trigger was the job that I am working on now... But something had changed and I wasn't quite sure how to put it all back right again. I was not at peace, I was smoking (four years of quitness and I once again succumbed to my favourite pastime. Sucker.), life was great because I was travelling, but life was not good, mainly because I wasn't at peace. I hate that feeling.

Anyway. So today Derek preached his last sermon at The Vine before he becomes an educated douche... I have no doubt that he will be back to preach again, but when is the key, and I'm guessing he probably won't stay. I hope he doesn't. His ministry is bigger than Hong Kong. So anyway. Psalm 92. (On a note of digression, I am so glad I was sitting next to Kristy today, cos otherwise I would have been the only person laughing in our section, but the two of us were chuckling away during the entire sermon. Haha.)

Something about our Lord always being exalted. Something about us striving in our righteousness to become palm trees and cedar trees in Lebanon. Something about God being our Rock. If there's anything I took away from the sermon, it's how Derek put it all into perspective. I don't suppose the way I write this will be condoned, but what I got was that I seriously needed some So what? attitude. As in, so what if I am not a producer anymore? So what if my bank account only has $400? So what if my flat is falling apart? So what if I don't get along with people around my boss? I HAVE JESUS. So I can deal with anything. Therefore in regards to anything and everything else that tries to beat me down... so what??

And then it occurred to me that I used to have this attitude... but somewhere along the way, lost it. And because I lost it, the feeling of unease and all that crap crept upon me and made me forget the So what-ness that I had had before.

God is my Rock. Jesus is my Salvation. I have everything I need, right there. SO WHAT??

Okay. I think it's time for bed. I've been up for forever because I had to watch the England game last night before going to church this morning. And I had to go to church in the morning because I have a meeting later in the afternoon. Ugh.

God bless. SO WHAT!!!!!!