Scared shitless.

So I've always been the type of person who said that I would choose to step out of my comfort zone and do what is difficult, rather than stay safe and be safe and yeah. But now as the future unfolds before me, as I have to step out into darkness (that is the unknown), I've come to the realisation that I really might just be a fucking scaredy-cat and choose to be safe rather than to step into the bloody unknown.

The thing is, I'm being told that I can (and should) be doing a certain something. A certain something that I do not have enough knowledge about. Perhaps a few years younger and I would have been fearless and wiling to go and do it blindly. After all, when I became a bartender, I didn't know shit and I couldn't even drink, so I honestly knew less than the average Joe. Sadly, as the years have gone on, I've lost my fearlessness... and as I'm being encouraged to go forth and prosper, I have extreme fear. Which is stupid, because honestly, what's the worst that could happen - I could fail... but at least I would have tried.

So where there used to be gay me and Christian me fighting, there is now scared me and adventurous me fighting. Fuck. Will the fighting ever end???

God bless me *sigh*