Rebel

Didn't realise it's been so long since I last posted here. Oops.

Anyway. So I've come to the realisation that I am constantly challenging authority. It's not something I do consciously, I'm just trying to get my point across - or so I think. But to whoever I'm talking to, whoever it is in the decision-making seat, I'm a fucking rebel. So where is the balance. How can I just shut up about things even when I know it's not going to work out? I don't get it. That stupid Chinese proverb is haunting me like a mofo. 講多錯多，講少錯少，唔講唔錯. Talk more wrong more, talk less wrong less, no talk no wrong.

I was talking about this to a friend yesterday, who said to me that I have to understand no matter what I say, it doesn't matter because I am not in the decision-making seat. I will never fully understand certain reasons for doing things a certain way, and it's not my place to question. I can raise a point or an opinion, but having done so, I then have to step back and accept whatever decision is made. It's not my place to make decisions, or even to influence them.

*sigh* So even if I know the decision is not going to work out... then...?

Said friend is a high-flying executive in an international company. And she said that even if I don't like the way it's being done, even if I go and quit and do other things, I'm going to face exactly the same issues, unless I'm the big boss. And the person who is the big boss is usually the person with the money. So at least for now, it's definitely not me. Touche.

Mulling over that all of last night, and into today, and I stepped past my boundaries again during a phone call with the boss. What the fuck. Seriously. Must stop talking. Just say yes. Seriously. Just fucking say yes.