Smile and encourage people, please.

I was playing Bejeweled and thinking about my writing, which led me to think about whether or not I could go some place and just write (by some place, I mean some beach in Thailand or G's place in Singapore or something), which led me to think about Bali, which reminded me of that horrible speech I gave at G's wedding, which led me to wondering about when I will ever learn to forgive myself, which led me to think I probably won't until I learn to also forgive other people... which then led me to think about how fucking useless I am, which then was cut short by my reminding myself that that's devil speak.

So then I was thinking about my purpose in life, and while I have been told I need to create good content blah blah, that's not really my sole purpose in life. It's not enough. It's not personal enough, I guess. So then it occurred to me that if there's anything I'm good at, it's smiling, and encouraging people.

I know it's weird to say I'm good at smiling, but I really am. It's a blessing, a gift from God, this beautiful smile that I have, and it defuses situations (sometimes), and it makes me seem like a nice, friendly person. Which I'm not always, but I manage to trick people into thinking I am. Well, at the beginning, anyway. Haha.

As for the encouraging people part... I am that too. I don't know how. It's definitely a God thing, and it doesn't always work. But it seems to be one of the things that I can do. So I suppose I should resolve to encourage people more. Make a difference in the world. No, not really. But it will make a difference in my own life... and I kinda need that right now.

I just realised that that entire first paragraph is completely redundant in this blog. I don't need to start with all that rambly thought proces stuff. But I shall leave it there because well, that's how my thought process goes. And maybe one day in the future, when I re-read this, I'll laugh at myself and at the way I used to think.

God bless.