Isaac and Ishmael.

So earlier this year, I was given a dream - or rather, I was told to work towards something and it seemed very much to be what I have been looking for over the past couple of years. It's weird, my lack of focus, the feeling that I could do anything and therefore am unable to pinpoint one thing that I want to work towards for the rest of my life. Well, except the whole seeking God thing, which I will happily do for the rest of my life. Right.

So I suppose because I am trying to seek God, He decided that He will verbally tell me what my dream is supposed to be. Out loud. No shying away. No pretending I didn't hear it or didn't get it. And hence I started walking that road, fast at first and then slower and now a little dragging...

And then life in my day job got weird when my annual leave days got cut in half and 5-day work weeks became 6-day work weeks, and all of this without anyone actually telling me. I was informed about the latter via email attachments with a "holiday planner" and the former via CC on another email. Sheesh. I can imagine I would have been so mad about this I would have quit, but while I was mad for a day or two, I'm more accepting of it now. I suppose because I know my days here are limited, so what the hell.

Cut to a friend asking me to join his company last week as producer. Full time.

It's interesting, how much this little question about my future affected me. And while I usually ask God to close doors if something isn't right, this time I asked for clear confirmation if it was the right path. I suppose the fact that I phrased the question that way is already indicative of what I was thinking...

So I asked my sisters - my two friends who pray with and for me - to pray, and I was told to watch out for Ishmaels. It was exactly what I wanted to hear. And even though it wasn't me seeking out a way to help God finish His plan, even though it came to me, I wasn't sure it was the right way to go.

Hence I called my friend's biz partner and had lunch with him. There's a part of me that thinks I could have handled that better (eg. ask my friend if it's okay for me to have lunch with his biz partner instead of seemingly do it behind his back). The biz partner allayed all my fears, in fact, made me want to work at the company more than ever. But then it became clear that I would have to put down my company, and the things that I was planning to do, to be at this job. Which would give me producer experience, which I sorely need, but on the other hand, with God all things are possible, right. I mean, I've experienced his amazing providence (what with those kids at the haunted house and all), so I know for a fact that the experience, while it would be good, it isn't absolutely essential. The only essential thing is to walk God's way. Right.

So after the lunch, I texted my sis (real sis) to say that I probably wouldn't join my friend's company, pending a thunderclap and God's voice from heaven telling me I'm an idiot, and that was that.

Cut to dinner time, and I was meeting up with a good friend from my film days, a girl who is extremely practical and really, the opposite of who I am haha. And she tried to say it nicely, but she was like, You bloomin' idiot!!! And I get why. She thinks that a chance like this is difficult to come by (which it is), and that it would be good to get producer experience and be paid for it (which it is, too). And by the end of dinner, I was seriously doubting my decision. Her indignation was very thunderclappy to me. Yes.

After dinner, I went to TCW's place - to see his sister, actually, but he was there, which was a surprise. And when it was midnight-ish and I was leaving, he walked me down and I told him about all of that. And I explained the God thing (which I didn't to my atheist film friend) and my own plans etc and he said, Well, there you have your answer already...

And so the conclusion is this. No Ishmaels. God will always guide you along the right path. Even when the devil tries to come up with ways to get you to deviate, and to plant seeds of doubt in your head, God has the last word. Amen.

God bless. Heh.