Wallowing.

I don't think I'm really the type to ever get "depressed" - I forget so very easily haha. On the other hand, tonight I was a little sad, and it came to me, that when I'm sad, I just want to listen to sad music and be sad. As opposed to wanting to make myself feel better. I didn't want to do that. I'm not sure if it's human nature to pity oneself, but I was certainly in the mood to do so tonight.

It's a terrible cycle, the depression thing. I'm so glad, and so very blessed, to be able to wake up and smell the roses. But today was just a wallowy kind of day, I suppose.

First of all, there's the whole fiasco in Singapore thing, which makes me incredibly sad, actually.

Then there's the saying goodbye to my boss thing. Which has already happened, but happened so fast I never actually processed it, and now I have time to sit and think about it.

And then there's the fact that I cleaned my house yesterday, with the help of the AWE (as mentioned last night, actually) and so now I feel completely at unease at home, because I no longer have little niches of space. How awful it is, to complain that I have too much space at home, in a city of shoebox flats. I suppose what I really need, is a designer or someone who can help me make my home feel like a home, without the necessity of creating piles of paper everywhere. It's just not one of my strong points. I don't know how to arrange my house so that it's comfortable. (I suppose the lack of cashflow is also a point in hand, as I could go out and buy shelves and sofas and rugs and all of that to make it nice, but I can't afford to).

And lastly, I discovered this evening, that while the AWE is amazing indeed, she also managed to throw away my two Sigur Ros tickets for their show this May. It is my fault entirely, I should have put them in a safer place and didn't. But I am sad, because I really wanted to see that show.

So I am wallowing. Forgive me. I think I might go to bed now, so that I can wake up and enjoy a new day.

Thank God for new starts.