going going gone

I typed in the title of this post and for some crazy stupid reason pressed enter. And therefore I now have an empty entry called Going Going Gone. I'm editing it now though so no one will ever see the empty one. But still, I saw, how dumb can I get.

So I am sitting here in Cafe O in Sheung Wan, enjoying the relative peace and quiet. It's not that busy and I love the fact that it's not that busy. And I love the fact too that the coffee here is pretty good and for thirty bucks I sit here in front of the computer using the internet because there's no one to fight me for it. Thank God.

I'm flying to L.A. supposedly this weekend. Note the use of the word 'supposedly'. Tickets have not been booked, my going has not been confirmed hahahaha. How I love my life. Anyhoo, I have packed up my room and will move some things to my parents' house, some things to James' new place and some things I think I will leave behind for Eric. Poor Eric. He always has to clean up my mess. I feel so bad.

It's actually quite depressing to think that we've ended this four-year relationship of being flatties. I love Eric to bits and can't imagine living with anyone else but the cats really are too much for me. I'm quite sick of being sick everytime I come back to Hong Kong - even though it takes maybe two weeks to acclimatize but still. Did I spell acclimatize wrong? Hai. English major my butt. I don't know. I'm gonna miss him so much. It's weird that I already do but I guess we need to go our separate ways for him to grow up and get a life - hanging with me ain't gonna do him any good. It never does anyone any good.

Anyhoo. I have no internet access at home therefore am not often seen on msn. My apologies for seemingly having disappeared off the face of this earth. I really don't mean for it to happen.

I was going to fly to Shanghai tomorrow to see the boyfriend but the fact that my visa expired and my slacking and procrastinating and getting sick again really put me off and thus I have called and apologized and told him I won't be able to make it. It's weird to think that the next time I see him will probably be some time early next year.

I'm going to miss Hong Kong so much. I don't know where I'm going this next step, and the worrying thing is while I know God goes with me everywhere, I haven't been the bestest I could be and so I don't know how much of Him is going with me. While I know that He will look after me and will be with me when I really repent and ask Him to, I feel so bad doing that... hai. What is wrong with me.

I honestly feel like I'm taking this big step - mainly because I'm losing my own place in Hong Kong - and while I love change, I do wish I didn't have to give up my flat. Where am I gonna stay when I come back???

Alright. This post has gone on for quite a bit longer than I expected. As I begin to prepare to leave I finally see all the things about Hong Kong that I'm going to miss badly... Alan, Tim, James, Choy Ki, Eric... Renee... cafes where people know me, bars where people know me... where I can get dessert at 2 in the morning and where I can find breakfast at 4 - morning and afternoon... my flat and the neighbourhood I've been in for four years... man. This is crazy. Is this called getting cold feet?

Well, I guess no matter what, I'm still headed out of this little city that has been home for a while. And though I have no idea where this will take me, I am glad that I'm not stuck here...

And my friend has arrived and so I shall stop here.
Take care and God bless.