connectedness. connectedless...

So we are supposed to connect. It's a basic human fundamental need. That was redundant. I rephrase. It's a basic human need. We are supposed to have connect with other human beings. We need it. We crave it. So we are told.

Perhaps I find it harder than most to forgive and forget. Or perhaps it is hard to forgive and forget but other people can deal with it, I can't. I don't know. Anyway. So it took me a while to go back to church back in uh... early 2003 because of certain people... but anyway, it finally occurred to me that it was God that mattered and not the people and hence I went back to church, and enjoyed my time with God sitting at the back.

*sigh*

I remember at the last plus I regaled five people with my tale of woe, leaving out some of the more woeful parts that still manage to trigger bitter tears ten fifteen twenty years on, and trying to funnylize some of the more boring parts. And my tale of woe came about because we were talking about making connections at church *sigh* Or something like that. And I remember I told them I liked to stay at the back because I'm quite selfish - I, for some reason (and I know I shouldn't), have higher expectations of Christians... and it's not fair on them because all people are imperfect, but I do. And also because I'd rather be the anti-social one, than be one who doesn't actually fit in. I think it's defense mechanism stemming from high school.

Anyway. So there we have it. I refuse to connect with people at my church because I am ridiculously afraid to get hurt. Strangely enough, I have discovered in the past few days that I am not the only one. Except... this other person stays further away than I. At least I'm at the back. This person doesn't even go to church anymore. Hai.

There are times when I wish I had a good friend who really had the same beliefs - someone who would go to church, who would make decisions that were influenced by God... But then. Life is not perfect.

So in my feeble attempts to get connected, I am going to PLUS tonight. I love my PLUS. Well. I wouldn't go if I didn't... Hai.

God bless.