Dealing with death...

It's odd how there are websites advising parents on how to guide their children through death because of the imminent death of a Harry Potter character in... four days... four days until it's out!!! Yay! Ahem, I digress. Yes. In a way, I think it's not such a bad thing that one should deal with death at a young age. I don't really know how I would react if someone close to me died. There's part of me that thinks I will completely break down, even if everyone else thinks I'm fine. Hm. I don't know. I haven't had to deal with it yet. And I know it's coming, because of there's one certainty in life, that's death.

Anyway. This old man (aged 74) died last week (of cancer) and yet I hadn't the heart to feel bad. Instead, all I could think was About time, bastard and Ha! What's gonna happen to your company now! Bottom die! Ha!. How very unChristianlike, and how very awful to actually have those thoughts. If I were Catholic I think I'd have to go to confession and then repeat the rosary a hundred times or something.

My Ah Jie from previous movies sent out an email in memory of the guy (copied and pasted from elsewhere of course) which basically was a mini-biography... In my ungratefulness, I was completely unable to appreciate the fact that he had done groundbreaking work for films to be shot in Hong Kong and China, and that if not for him and his company, I wouldn't be working in this industry - I was hired by his company for my very first film job.

And I sent a reply to my Ah Jie that while yes it was sad that he had passed away, all I remember about him is how he deceived me of my money (at a time when I was still reaaaally broke - which really isn't a good excuse but hey...) and that he was a slimy old bastard. And my Ah Jie replied, Hahahaha. You bear a grudge against a dead man. Which made me stop and think. And even though her next sentence was Though I do completely agree with you..., it's still uber pathetic that I hold a grudge against a dead man??!!!!

*sigh*

I am so pathetic. And so childish. And I do really bear grudges. This ain't the only one. There are others. And these are just the ones that I know of... I'm sure there are other grudges floating away in my unconsciousness... Geez man.

Argh. I'm gonna be fucking thirty soon. WHEN am I going to grow up????

*shakes head*

I am so pathetic. Hai. I'm going to bed. Hai.

God bless.