in denial much?

My good friend J has been offered a project management job to open a little cafe type restaurant. Training in Atlanta for two weeks and it looks to be a six- to nine-month thing. He doesn't want to do it. He's not the type to just start something and then go... but I am.
-- Why don't YOU do it?
-- I'm not good enough to do it!
-- Yes you are! You always say that to me!
-- I don't want to do it!
-- Why not? It's project-based!
-- I... I don't know...
-- It's good money AND you get to travel for training!
-- I... I don't even LIKE the States.
-- You should do it! You'd be good at it.
-- I can't.
-- Why not?
-- I have to stay on my job now.
-- It's part-time! Just leave!
-- I can't. I... I feel obliged to stay.
-- It's PART-TIME!
-- Yes. I know.
Pause as friend looks at me askance.
-- Hai-YAH, it's a GOD thing, okay!!!!!!
Pause as friend frowns.
-- You know, you only needed to just say that...
-- I KNOW!!!! But I didn't WANT to!!!!
-- Uhh... why?
-- BECAUSE!!!! It makes me sound like those... UGH... HOLY people!!!!!
-- Uhh...
-- And I don't WANT to sound like those... UGH!!!!!!!!!
Friend chuckles.

*sigh*

There are times when I seriously think I suffer from Multiple-Personality Disorder. I don't blank out for hours at a time though and the other me hasn't killed anyone or anything, but I am such a contradiction and it's really quite bizarre. I am I suppose we are supposed to be the light of the world and we are supposed to shine for Jesus and all of that, and I do admit to all my friends that I just go wherever God opens the door for me to go...

But for some reason I hate being catagorized as a "holy" person and I hate... ugh! I just hate it! But what can I do. Hai. I tell people that I work in a friend's office (which technically, I do) as opposed to working in the church office because somehow working in the church office makes me seem holier. I am NOT holy! Or... at least I'm not any holier than anyone else I know. Sheesh.

Why does this make me feel like I am in denial -.-"

Hai. I shall um... stop thinking about this now I think because it's giving me a headache. Hai.

God bless me *shakes head*