Three years ago.

I really don't live in the past. It doesn't seem like it from this blog though *shakes head* I don't know why. I really should blog more about the present... and less about what happened three years ago.

Three years ago today, I was packing for a two-month stint in China to shoot Mummy 3. It was a crazily busy shoot, and I will once again reiterate how grateful I am that it was so darned busy. I am not sure I would have survived otherwise. Still, because I was able to not deal with the matters of the heart, they are still haunting me three years on.

Perhaps I am being haunted only because I am bored. Perhaps.

Three years ago today, I wrote a card to Shu. I told him that I would always love him, that I was thankful for the 2+ years we'd had and that it was time to let go and move on. I implied that I understood the situation, and that I was not going to fight it and that he was free to go. Three years ago. And then on October 1st, 2007, I left for Beijing... and that was it. I haven't even hugged Shu since.

Hai. K still asks whether I'd get back with Shu if he came back. I really really would rather not think about that. And I know God is always good to me so He'll never let that happen. And how do I know that? Because He ALWAYS answers my prayers, especially those of the heart. The answers come in so fast, sometimes, that I stand back in amazement and think to myself, How awesome is my God...

And then I light a cigarette and puff away.

Sometimes, I am such a useless piece of crap I don't understand why God still loves me. Sigh. But He's God. Thank God.