Falling asleep

and I should go to bed yes. But I wanted to write. I don't know why.

My dad asked me why I wasn't working in Shanghai. I was gobsmacked. My DAD asking me a question that I sometimes ask myself. I gave him the same reasons I gave Louis (see post 'conversation' haha) and he said you'll never learn Mandarin if you don't go AND you'll never get the experience you 'don't have' either. Logic much? Hmph. I didn't tell him I didn't think God was telling me not to go. I forgot about that until today when I was talking to my flattie's girlfriend.

Is Shanghai an option? I want to know. I really want to know.

Doing too many things in Hong Kong. Too many people being too nice to me. I'm in my own comfortable world, albeit with too much work and stretching me out too thin, but. Am I too comfortable? Should I go?

People telling me I'm putting too many other people before Davina. People telling me I'm not choosing to do what I want to do. People telling me I can't live my life based on what other people want. What if, WHAT IF, it all comes to nothing? Or worse, what if it all comes to something and then they all go and you're left here, alone, standing there? People asking me don't you have something you want to achieve? Okay, so you don't have a dream, but don't you want to be successful?

My answer - what is success? When will I be considered successful? Wrong question - when will I consider myself successful? Got me to thinking. I want to do what God wants me to do. I want to be in the centre of God's will as Janice put it. How can I do that? Stop smoking for starters I suppose. But besides that?

Friend said okay, you want to be a good Christian, you want to be in God's will (note this girl ain't no Christian)... but you have to be able to. There is a time and a place for it.

Time? NOW. Place? HERE. There isn't any other time or place. It starts when you commit yourself to God, starts when you seek His word and His way and His light and His path. Have I been seeking? Sort of. Not enough I suppose.

So many questions. No answers. When do you know if it's God's will or if it's the devil tempting ya? How can you know the difference? The sense of peace? I can honestly tell you, I'm not peaceful doing what I'm doing now. No time for church, no time for friends (except maybe one or two), no time to sleep half the time...

Life. ARgH!

Anyway, must sleep. Good night :)
God bless.