Dreams.

It's CMS's birthday today. I haven't seen CMS in maybe ten years... And yet, I still remember her birthday.

Sometimes I don't know whether my dreams are too big for my boots - actually, I'm pretty sure they are haha. Let me rephrase. I don't know whether God put dreams in my head... And I don't really know how to find out whether or not the dreams in my head are God-given dreams.

Ever since Hillsong - if not before - I've wondered what on earth I'm doing. I have no real goals or dreams or ambitions. Even in this crazy biz that I work in now, I have no real idea what I want to do. I tell people I ultimately want to be a producer, but that's because I could never be a director... although I also want to be a producer because I'm a bossy boots harhar. Anyway. I remember praying for a God-given dream and yet it seemed to never materialize.

Perhaps because I did not seek hard enough? Or perhaps the fact that I was with my ex kind of clouded God's communication channels with me... since I knew from Day One I should not have initiated the relationship *sigh* Which is why I will forever feel guilty about my sweet Shanghai boy.

Anyway. So throughout the years, I've wanted to do a number of things like start my own magazine and open my own bar/cafe. It's been something I've continued to want to do despite my not seeing an actual real possibility that I could (I mean come on, I can't even rent my own place to live, let alone rent space for a cafe...)

But the idea has been recurring. And so maybe, just maybe, this is endorsed by God. Heh. I'm so optimistic. Ha.

I suppose it actually comes from the fact that the bar I used to work at was our hangout place. People would come down to chill and stuff. And now we don't have this kind of place anymore. Oh well. We'll see how things go. We'll see where God takes me after this seven month stint.

Speaking of which... happy four month anniversary to me in Hengdian. Mwahahahhaaa...

God bless. ZysShu.