Pride and revelation

A friend is in town from NYC, a friend who I absolutely adore and think is a genius and so talented in so many ways. He left HK last year to pursue bigger dreams and is now back for a week maybe? I'm not sure. I don't care. I'm just glad he's here.

So this afternoon, I was thinking about what my conversation would be like when I see him... I do this a lot, in case you think it's weird, have pretend conversations with real people in my head. Crazy? Yes. But it's one way to get me to reflect on me... I don't know how to explain it. Never mind. Actually, maybe I have less of these conversations when I get around and actually go see people. But living alone and not hanging out much (due to financial constraints... and sheer laziness...) isn't very conducive to stopping the chatter. But I digress.

And I imagined one of the first questions he'll ask is, So, what's new? Read: So what has changed in the year that I've been gone.

Honestly, not very much. I'm still at this job, without a chance for pay increase. I'm still travelling (love it!) and trying to do freelance jobs to supplement the income (love it a little less...). I've started going to the gym, which I used to despise (although I haven't been in weeks...). My back is worse than before (combination of getting old and not being able to make it to pilates class), to the point where when I get up after sitting down for a while, it takes a few seconds (ten maybe?) to straighten up (this may not sound like a lot, but it is... it's the weirdest thing to not be able to straighten up straight away...). I've (more or less) put down the film thing forever... More or less. Haha.

And that got me thinking. It was so hard for me last year to put it down. Yet while I'd worked in film, I always saw it as something that God was using to prepare me for future endeavours. As in, I didn't think that I would work in film for the rest of my life - not until the very end anyway. And it was so much about pride. I loved the working systems and style, I loved having a couple months off after every film, I loved meeting new people from all over the world, I loved seeing the finished product of my hard work. And yet! And yet! It was so much a pride thing. Seeing my name on the credits roll of a finished product. Seeing my position go higher and higher. Honestly, in the bigger scheme of (God) things, who gives a rat's bum!!!!!

So anyway. It was so hard for me to put down. And I've kind of put it down now... I'm usually fine with these things, until people tell me they worked on Skyfall or Expendables 2 (I've always worked action films) and then I feel a twinge of... not exactly regret, but just a little wish that I could have been there.

Last night, I read somewhere - I think it was Martin Smith's (of Delirious? fame) twitter feed - that no good can come without sacrifice (this was upon re-reading Genesis). And seriously, that got me thinking too. My life has never been about sacrifice. I enjoy everything as much as I can. And somehow, in the bigger scheme of things (again), it seems all so trivial!!!!!! Bah!!!!!!!

I suppose this is God changing me :) I just hope it doesn't come with a whole lot of regret for the way I've done things in the past *frowns* Hmm.

Okay. Back to translating. God bless me.