Friday, 8 April 2011

Desperately seeking method to change attitude...

Every time I see (or hear) something about some film shoot going on somewhere, I feel a pain in my heart and a pain in my head. So last night, a very sweet friend was on some set somewhere and mentioned my name to some dude, and then proceeded to tell me that the dude knew me and blah blah. And oh my gosh it hurt. To the point where it took a while to reply. And even then the reply was terse. What I really wanted to say was, Don't tell me when you're on a bloody shoot because I'm not and I'm so damned jealous that I can't stand knowing that you are.

It was like a couple weeks ago when Boss' producer made me cry by telling me the new Bond film is going to be shooting in Hong Kong. Why the fricking heck would you tell me that when you know I am stuck at this non-film-related job? Why?

The thing is, I really like the job I have now, despite the long hours and craziness and missing film. I like editing, I like going on tour, I like learning about guitar stuff. And I need the steady pay. But for some reason, I miss making films. I miss hanging out with the crew. I miss seeing the magic that's made every day through the lens. I miss watching black text on white paper translate into moving colourful pictures. I miss that a lot.

Hai. I feel like bashing my head against the wall.

No comments: