Future schmuture decided.

Rahahaha. Peace. Thank God.

So after hanging with TCW that morning (late night), I made my mind up (kind of) and um... yeah. Last year on April 16th, I went on my first concert tour thing with Boss, fell in love with his band, and then stayed long term. So it was time. Time to make up my mind once and for all. Or at least, get back to Boss with questions (and fears). So I did. It took me two hours to write three (not very long) paragraphs, and I sent it to him at 9:30am.

And that afternoon, he called and said Let's have dinner. So we did. Although, really, he could have emailed. It was a yes or no answer to what I asked. Haha. (At dinner, I did ask why he didn't just press reply, and he told me. Poor Boss. And then I asked why he didn't call. He said phone convos are so impersonal. Okay.)

I listed out three fears-slash-problems -

1. The path he set out for me was not something that I understood completely. So I told him that my worst nightmare would be that I end up in a cubicle in an office doing IT stuff, because potentially, it could end up like that.

2. I have commitment phobia, and he was talking about the next two or three years (and beyond) and not just one year. It's pathetic to say this, but I've already "improved" because I can commit 12 months now (whereas before, I couldn't) but um. Any more than 12 months still gives me the jitters. And cold feet.

3. There are so many more people entering the picture now, I was beginning to worry that I wouldn't get to travel anymore. It's just easier when guy travels with guy, especially since there's so much gear to carry and set up, and there's a guy in the picture now who does actually play the guitar and can set up his tech stuff... and I was mega worried that my travelling days were over.

And then because I didn't know how to end the email, I asked him for thoughts or comments. Hahaha. Way to put the ball back in his court...

So. Boss chuckled at the first and told me he would put me in a small tiny cubicle painted all white, complete with straitjacket. He then commented on my commitment phobia thing - which I then sort of tried to play down by telling him that I've improved. And then he said I wouldn't be travelling any more than before, but the small tours and things should still be me. And really, that was all that I needed to know.

He then commented on how the travelling thing is completely unrelated to the commitment phobia thing. So I explained - committing is difficult for me, but getting to travel on the job, makes committing much less difficult. He still thinks I'm weird, but it's okay. I know I am.

SS called me today, this evening, to ask how I am. I was so surprised/touched/happy - he's just about the only person who calls to ask how I am. I know this is my fault - I put up walls so much, and I always find it strange/surprising when someone breaches the wall and I'm actually okay with it. There are very few people who can do this without me getting all worked up, and of those few people, very few actually do call.

Anyway, I told him I'm okay. I'm at peace. I'm not going back to film just yet. But I also told him that my role in Boss' life has changed slightly, and so I should have more time to balance my life out. Which means, I could potentially have time to shoot. I met a guy through SS, who makes me laugh a lot. Actually, I was going to blog about him, but I completely forgot. I probably should at some point. Anyway, he sent me a script that I love, so I'm going to try and convince him to shoot. It's a short film, so it should be fun. But lots of dialogue, and dialogue (to me) is so difficult to shoot. Hm. AAAANYWAY. We'll see how that goes.

Peace. I have peace. Now to go back to editing :)

God bless.