Guangxi debriefing.

The first time the six of us girls met up for coffee after the trip, I thought it was a debriefing/evaluation meeting. It wasn't. It was just to meet up. Oh actually, before I begin... Janice: YOU'RE IN MY PRAYERS!!! (you'll do fine without being in my prayers but well, heh... if it makes you feel better *grin*)

So today we did the debriefing. It was a good debriefing... to do it a week after returning to reality... to rethink the days that we were there. It almost seems like a lifetime away and yet it also seems like it was just yesterday. How warped one's sense of time can get sometimes. Anyhow. It was a good debriefing because the right questions were asked. I hadn't realized that there had been other people involved besides Chris and Brian Patterson - there was also Auntie Freda and Uncle Philip from California who were Amy's original contacts. So anyway :)

It was funny how we tried to defend our trip as being the best it could have been. I suppose for each of us, we really did come away feeling most blessed and that God had been oh-so-very-faithful. It was good that it was so free and flexible. It was good that it was a small group. It was good that our leader didn't impose or enforce anything upon us. It was good that we had the freedom to do whatever. It was good that we didn't have to do the follow-the-leader thing. I've never been on a mission trip before Guangxi and to be very honest, I can't imagine being on a mission trip that's different to how we did it. I loved every second of it. And I can just imagine being a pain-in-the-butt if I go on a mission trip done differently: "But we did it this way last time..." in my horribly whingey voice...

I admit that one of my biggest phobias about mission trips is the praying aloud thing. Um. I think I've kinda overcome it. Kinda. I mean... there was just so much that needed praying for in Baise. Not that there isn't in Hong Kong but I've never prayerwalked in Hong Kong and I've never been in a church to pray for it and beg God to provide for it and bless it. But the other thing about mission trips is that it's a big group and you have to do dramas and all these other enforced things. Ugh *shivers* I guess I'm just not good in big groups. And I guess I just don't like performing in front of other people either.

But well, this trip was amazing because we had so much freedom. Or rather, it was so uncertain up to the last minute about what we would be doing... I suppose that might be the reason why I loved it so much. Mwahahahaha. Playing by the ear. It's most fun because it's challenging and you have to think on your feet. I love it. It also means I don't need to waste time preparing heh. Okay yeah I'm lazy. So what. I digress. It was in the freedom that we saw God working again and again. It was in the uncertainty that we found God having paved a way already. It was in all the challenges that we came to really understand just how faithful our God is.

It's strange that after the trip, I'm just kinda doing my own thing. Well, not really. I just don't know where I'm supposed to be next. The Henan thing doesn't seem to be working out because I can't get my frigging degree... and life is just kinda weird. I guess it doesn't help that I'm not praying much about it. Nor does it help that I'm just feeling weird about it and not depending on God to help. I'm doing what I do best - drifting and escaping and running.

It troubles me, in times such as now, that I'm still with the non-Christian. I wonder how many blessings I'm missing out on. It troubles me that I'm not going to Henan. I wonder whether things would be different if I wasn't going out with the boy. I wonder if I would be going. I wonder if I'm missing out on something because I'm not going to Henan. I know for a fact that God is with me no matter which path I take. I know that even if I'm taking the 'wrong' path now, God will take it and make good come out of it. But I worry that I'm missing out because I haven't broken up with him. And guess what. I don't want to break up with him. It's gotten to the point where I'm beginning to be delusional. Where I'm beginning to believe that God will touch him and he will become a Christian and we can go missioning together in China. Delusional. Hallucinating. Whatever you want to call it.

But I digress. Today's meeting did me a world of good. God really is so amazingly good to me. I guess in a way, I've been a little bit of a lost sheep and so the shepherd decided to bring me back in. It was so good to remember how God answers prayers and how He is so faithful. It was good to remember the kids in Baise and how much they need a leader they can connect with there to answer questions and guide them towards God. It was so good to talk about how we could make things better for next time, about the future, about something constructive, instead of just wondering what God has in store for that little town.

One wonders whether God will bring me back to Baise. I was telling Brooke that I could go back and stay there for a while but I'd have to leave every so often (couple days maybe?) because I CANNOT POO ON SQUAT LOOS FOR GOODNESS SAKES *sigh* Or someone would just have to construct a proper toilet for me. Thank you very much *shakes head* I suck.

Okay. Talk about a marathon post. I miss the kids in Baise. And I need to talk to God. So I think I shall just stop here and um... yeah.

God bless :) I actually should sleep because I'm working tomorrow. I completely forgot about that. GAH. But God-convo first. Sweet dreams!