Hong Kong, my home...?

It's not nice to get sick everytime you go home, but that is what has been happening to me the past couple times I have set foot in Hong Kong. Gah! Life is not all bad, I do miss Hong Kong although to be honest, the only real reason I come back to Hong Kong at all is Tim and The Vine. That sounds like a band name haha. No no no. Tim is one thing and The Vine is the other. I said as much to Tim the other day too - 'you're the only reason I come back to this place'.

Funny how last year after James had said that HK was home, that I realized HK was home for me. It reminds me of a friend who I was talking to earlier this year, who said to me she had asked God to never let her get too comfortable and so... she was sort of taken away from her home. Sort of. She has to set up home somewhere else. And in a way, that's the way I feel right now - as soon as I've decided that this place is good enough to be home, I'm told to go. In a way though, I love it. I love moving, I love new places, I love the challenge. And it's like that. Every place from when I've been a kid - England, Singa, Hong Kong, England, Hong Kong... I've been in HK for over 6 years. It's time to leave. Definitely :) I'm so looking forward to it.

Having said that, if the whole Henan thing doesn't work out, I'll still be in HK for another year then. I'm definitely not moving to Shanghai yet, unless God tells me He's changed His mind and will let me go :) I am resigned to not living in Shanghai just yet. I know one day I will be back there. I know it for a fact. And while I can't wait for that day to come, I know that in the meantime I have to be equipped to go back!

China. The land of... the unknown. It's so weird. I could hate China so much, I can think of so many reasons to hate China and yet, I love it. I suppose to me, it's a place full of opportunity, it's a place where there's so much potential waiting to be realized. In a way I could say it's like me, because I have always been told that I have so much potential and that I never realize it. So maybe it's good I can help others realize their potential and maybe that will make up for my never realizing my own. I don't believe it though. I think maybe I didn't realize my potential for a reason. Or maybe people were just thinking too highly of me... there ain't really that much potential in me. But we'll never know. All I know is that I'm going to China and I'm staying there.

My sister wrote and said my mother was upset. She said my mother was saying how people (err I think that would be me) never tell her stuff. I felt bad and called my mother only to almost have an argument with her. Lucky I was in Shanghai at the time and so I could beg off with an expensive phone call. I wonder how I can go and do God work when I have such big issues with my mother. But I then remember how we go to God as we are and He will change us.

I remember listening to Jentezen Franklin talking about our parents, and I know for a fact that I am the girl I am, that I am as blessed as I am today because of my parents, because they have been storing up the blessings for their children. I want to tell them that, and I want to thank my parents, thank my mother, but... everytime I try to talk to her... *sigh* GAH. Anyhoo. It shall be resolved. I have made my mind up to resolve it but I worry that I harbour so much hate in me that whatever I try to resolve will only be made worse because I'll probably slap her or something. Okay, maybe not that bad. Hmph.

The worst thing though, is as I was writing an email earlier... I was thinking about the whole thing (the not telling my mother anything thing) (yes it has been PREYING on my mind ever since I got that darned email from my sister) (it's so annoying) and I felt like writing to my mother... writing about Luke 9:59-62, writing also about the time when Mary went to see Jesus and he practically rejected her. But I guess that's not nice. Hmph.

It's time to go to 180. I asked a friend to join, I wonder whether she will make it. Maybe God will open her heart to Him... There are times when I wish I could be a part of the constant in the midst of change, but I know God has made me to be a part of the change. I know one day I will become the constant somewhere, if only temporarily, but I wonder when God will let that happen.

I'm worried about Henan. I'm stepping out in faith but not enough. Not nearly enough. There's still so much to be done and I haven't done any of it. I don't know what to do with my flat and my stuff! I know my parents won't be happy if I take it all back there. I feel like moving it all to Shanghai hahahaha... *shakes head* This is so pathetic.

Anyhoo. I am off to 180. God bless.