Finding Neverland

I just watched it again. Again and again and again. Well no. I've seen it a total of twice. It's good enough to be watched again :)

Hm. I had something to blog about today, but I've completely forgotten what it was. How odd. Darn it. I'm getting old. My memory is dying on me. Help.

On set today was a blast. I was outdoors most of the day and it was hot. HOT. 40+ degrees is not something that I want to have to deal with much. Argh. But it was good. I prefer being outdoors than being indoors on set. It's weird, this preference of mine. I think most of the actors prefer being indoors where there's aircon. Like I said, the heat is not a fun thing sometimes.

But I did manage to talk to Collin Chou (think the Oracle's bodyguard in Matrix Revolutions) quite a bit, which was very interesting. He made me think a lot, which is something that I try not to do too much really. He asked me what my goal was - what I wanted to do after the movie... And I didn't have an answer. I love making movies, I want to be a producer but. But? But what. I'm scared of failure so I don't want to have to crawl up the ladder to get there because I'm worried I'm gonna fall. And then there's the whole God issue - is this what I want to do or what God wants me to do?

At church I've learnt that what I want to do may not differ from what God wants me to do, because leading a Godly life does not necessarily mean that I have to go to the corners of the earth as a missionary or whatever. I can lead a Godly life wherever I am, whatever I am doing. However. Having worked on two movies now, I can safely say that movie sets weren't made for those who don't have enough determination and faith. It's full of temptation and most of the crew are Buddhist or believe in Guan Yin or some other Chinese 'god'. Honestly.

And then there's the surrealism issue - film shoots are like a step out of reality, and it takes getting used to. What happens here does affect real life, and unfortunately I can't just ignore what goes on in my real life for a good time here. My real life. How weird does that sound.

So I'm sitting here in my room, the lights off because my roomie is asleep, and wondering what I'm going to do about my life in general. Perhaps I should just quit with the smoking and leave my boyfriend and just get on with my life the way God would want it to be. Leave my boyfriend. How long have I been saying that? How weird is it to be going out with someone who I don't think I should be going out with?

I talked to my aunt today, who said that I can go to Shanghai anytime to start up a job with her. While I can honestly say that I can't wait, I can also say that I'm worried I can't deal with it. But well. Sink or swim is the motto...

Anyhoo. I'm going to go and pass out now, and then try and remember what I was going to blog about tomorrow.

Good night. God bless.